Preparing for a wedding does things to the brain. Usually, there are months of preparation, thousands of dollars spent, and countless arguments over dumb things like whose cousin gets a plus one. The bride is the undisputed Queen of the day, so upsetting her is a major no-no. If you do, prepare to catch the heat until death does you part.
One bride was confronted with an eye-popping, take-off-your-earrings, hold-my-drink-level showdown when she arrived at her wedding venue. Instead of unleashing a totally deserving tirade of expletives, she held her tongue and took to Twitter to share the outrageous stunt committed by a future member of her family — and the potentially devestating aftermath.
The bride’s story came to light on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. He’s known for engaging his viewers with social media hashtag prompts. Comedy gold pours in via Twitter, and he shares the most gut-busting-ly hilarious ones on air.
The topic that launched a tirade of tweets was his request for the absolute worst wedding day experiences. Jimmy asked the participants to include the hashtag #WeddingFail, and it didn’t take long for one submission to take the cake.
Among the thousands of wedding fail tweets, by far the one that caused people to scream in delight was sent by lawyer-turned-author Amy Pennza. Her anecdote from her 2004 wedding remains the topic of whispered family gossip to this day.
Amy Pennza / Facebook
“My mother-in-law wore a wedding dress to my wedding. So, yeah, top that one, Twitter.” The response was unparalleled. Jaws dropped, the reply feed went haywire. Overnight, Amy’s tweet about her mother-in-law’s bold move received thousands of online engagements. People needed to know why?
No one else’s fails compared. The layers to this mess of a situation had everyone in agreement that Amy snatched the wedding fail bouquet, and quite honestly, deserved a little special treatment after the plight of her own nuptial nightmare.
The masses needed answers. Mainly, why? Of all the universally agreed-upon wedding etiquette rules, the number one is: never wear white to a wedding. Really, that one is the biggest faux pas.
Of all the guests to break that rule, the last person you’d expect to pull such a wild card would be the mother-in-law. To be a guest at this wedding, watching this unfold, must have been like looking directly into the sun.
At first, Amy rattled off responses to the many questions flooding her inbox. She hadn’t even thought to check beforehand what her fiance’s mother planned to wear on the big day. She didn’t think the words, “please don’t also wear a wedding dress” needed verbalizing.
Soon, Amy further spilled the details of her wedding day drama. To the collective shock of the internet, Amy didn’t claw her mother-in-law to shreds. No one got thrown into the cake. Not a single piece of hair was yanked out of its hair sprayed coif.
Staring at her mother-in-law in a wedding dress while wearing her own, Amy’s immediate reaction wasn’t fury. The bride didn’t even chew out her new husband. Whether Amy was experiencing shock, or she’s the most chill human being on the planet, is still undetermined.
Though our bride did give the scenario some much-needed context to explain the logic behind her mother-in-law’s decision making. Apparently, she’s notoriously frugal, and that’s where the basis of her problematic series of choices truly began.
Her cheapness stretches back to lessons from childhood. The mother-in-law grew up in a relatively low-income family, where cutting corners to save pennies was a regular practice. To this day, she swipes the garnishes from Bloody Marys to snack on later.
The thriftiness is a favorite topic of discussion during family gatherings. The countdown to her 60th birthday — after which she’d finally claim senior discounts — was an entire event. At her house, you leave your water glass full of ice on the counter to melt for a second drink, obviously.
It was with that deeply ingrained frugal mindset that the mother-in-law strolled into a store and spotted a gown on clearance. Apparently, when she zoned in on the fancy dress with a basement bargain price tag, the visible details mattered not.
So, she tried on the too-good-to-pass-up dress, the one that was pure white, and, in fact, an actual wedding dress. Wouldn’t you know it, the thing fit. Once she saw that clearance tag, her judgment flew out the window.
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Amy swears her mother-in-law’s frugalness is only matched by her incredible generosity. Whether she’s using her sixth sense of sniffing out deals to dote on her grandkids or devoting her free time to attend their every practice, performance, and random school-sanctioned events.
Plus, Amy knows her mom by marriage always has her back. She once hemmed Amy’s dress pants for her when she secured her first job, her way of showing her love. Nevertheless, the boldness of her choice of outfit on the wedding day was impossible to ignore.
Handling the wedding drama is the sole purpose of a bridesmaid, and Amy’s were slapped with the ultimate vat of chaos. They chose to keep their bride distracted, what’s done was done, and offered their salty acknowledgements to Amy after a few drinks at the reception.
It was Amy’s day to shine after all, so she didn’t let her mother-in-law off the hook scot-free. In the tumult of wedding day activities, Amy remembers locking eyes with her saying, “You…You could be the bride.”
Amy further proved her titanium strength of character when her mother-in-law’s wedding stunt went viral. She worried the attention would leave her embarrassed and upset. When she told her, however, the mother-in-law piped up, “Whatever makes me famous.”
On his show that night, Jimmy Fallon could’ve shared another viral wedding story with the crowd, one that would’ve competed with Amy’s tale. Twitter user starlightgeek told of her friend’s bizarre wedding day.
A bridesmaid in the aforementioned nuptials, starlightgeek decided to share the story of what she called “the most ridiculous 24 hours” with the worldwide Twittersphere. And, once she did, it didn’t take long for that story to spread.
Understandably, the almost-bride wasn’t up to telling the cursed story of the disaster that became of her relationship to the entire world, so she gave her trusty bridesmaid permission to do it for her (What are friends for?). The story went like this.
It was the eve of the bride’s wedding when the alleged chaos ensued. The Twitter-bound faithful bridesmaid went on to disclose the horror that the bride-to-be witnessed in the bedroom…
The eager almost-bride was shocked to find her fiancé in bed with none other than… one of her bridesmaids (not the Twitter friend). And no, they weren’t having a pillow fight. Believe it or not, this riveting saga was just getting started.
Let’s just say she was less than impressed. The girls (minus the blasphemous bridesmaid) weren’t going to let what would have been an enchanting, quiet backyard wedding celebration go to waste, however.
The bridesmaid clarified that not only was the cheating groom not welcome to their wedding-turned-potluck celebration, but they also changed the house’s locks to ensure his negative presence would be nowhere near the tattered bride.
Despite this tragedy that bedeviled the bride, she shed no tears, but she was purportedly filled with rage. Together, the bride and her two good bridesmaids commenced “plotting,” which sounds ominous as all hell.
The tweeting bridesmaid added some comic relief to the tale, highlighting the fact that you shouldn’t mess with “two Slytherins and a Ravenclaw, especially if two of them have law degrees.”
With the Harry Potter reference and a nod to their impressive educations, the girls pointed out the smarts and ambition of the trio. The strong independent woman would be alright — but the former groom and his new girl wouldn’t be.
First, the girls cheerfully rid the house of the disloyal groom’s belongings, then proceeded to celebrate by means of a dance party with the company of some loyal guests, which seems oddly ritualistic. The no-wedding celebration raged on.
The ironic festivity didn’t end there, as the riled up women progressed to shooting the bride’s wedding gown with paintball guns. Nothing says fury like gunning down an overpriced dress with plastic balls filled of paint. Still, the night wasn’t over.
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Because all seemed well (as well as they could be at least), until a ballsy move made by the likes of the unfaithful groom and his mistress bridesmaid shook the girls to their cores.
While the ladies were paintballing and dancing, the groom and his mistress took a casual trip to Las Vegas of all places, and weirdly decided to livestream their outing in the desert, most likely to infuriate the almost-bride. But it wasn’t just any outing…
Once there, the two degenerates live streamed their impromptu Vegas wedding, on the same day the groom was supposed to wed his fiancé. What could the almost-bride possibly have been feeling during this never-ending mess?
Little Vegas Chapel
Well, while the two bridesmaids huddled around an iPad to watch the profane Vegas ceremony. Having at first screamed in horror at the sight, the bride was now lying on the grass crying… of laughter.
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Through her fit of laughter, the would-be-bride exclaimed that she didn’t dodge a bullet by not marrying her fiancé, but rather, she dodged an atomic bomb. We like the “glass half full” attitude. But how would she get her revenge?
The lousy bridesmaid, AKA the new bride, while gallivanting in Las Vegas, proceeded to brag about the fact that her and the new hubby were going to embark on a “real” honeymoon; well, not if the almost-bride had anything to say about it, which she did.
As it allegedly turned out, the almost-bride and her fiancé owned a shared bank account dedicated to the expense of their future honeymoon. The somewhat bitter almost-bride drained and closed the account right then and there. Revenge sure is sweet.
Starlightgeek guaranteed the Twitter audience that her and the party guests spent the day “fiercely loving and supporting” their beloved almost-bride. While there unfortunately was no wedding, there sure was a celebration of love… and money.