Real estate can be a pretty cutthroat business. Sure, home is where the heart is, but the buying and selling of those homes is a competitive and lucrative undertaking.
The house market in Texas is particularly fertile ground for realtors willing to put in the work. Some of the homes are turnkey ready, but others need a little bit of finessing—to put it lightly—before they are ready to hit the market.
This poor realtor did their best to try and sell this beautiful property. However, there are sometimes obstacles that even the best realtor can’t do anything about…
Like most real estate postings, this house in Richmond, Texas, lures in potential home buyers with a stunning shot of the home’s exterior. Pretty, right? It offers a picturesque landscape, and it seems like it could be a potential “yes” at first glance… but appearances can be deceiving!
Even by the second photograph, potential home buyers probably start tilting their heads in confusion. It’s great to know that the house is gated for security, but why on Earth is there a man in the photograph posing by the gate?
It’s only upon closer inspection that the very strange truth becomes clear. This isn’t a grown man posing at the gate of the house at all; rather, it’s a life-size mannequin dressed in his Sunday best eager to greet visitors to the house. Clearly there’s more to this listing than first meets the eye…
The next shot of the house is the well-appointed living room, which the realtor describes by saying “the dental molding is a work of art. There are also built-ins on two walls. This room also has hardwood floors.” Accurate, but this description is leaving out a couple of critical details…
…Like the fact that this living room is chock-full of dolls both large and small in every possible corner of the room. Oh, hello there, terrifyingly realistic mannequin of a young girl peering out from behind the Christmas tree!
Moving on to the living room, the realtor has this to say about the packed space: “The double crown molding is just one of the nice touches in this room. The arches are throughout this home.” Good to know, buddy. You really can’t have enough arches, right?
Having discussed the arches throughout the home thoroughly, what the realtor doesn’t even mention is the creepy, “sexy” doll posed on the sofa waiting to greet you as you walk into your new and horrifying home…
It’s when the photographs of the game room and study appear that you can tell the realtor has given up. There’s no way one can justify a mannequin of a child hanging from the ceiling in the ad, so the realtor plays it safe and doesn’t mention it at all.
There are just so many questions to be asked about everything that is happening here. What significance does this child mannequin have to the owner? And what kind of glue did they use to get her stuck up there? And, just sort of generally… Why?
And just in case you were worried that one child mannequin dangling from the ceiling wasn’t enough, don’t worry: this picture makes it clear that the weirdo children on the ceiling are a regular feature throughout the home.
Behold this interesting shot of the master bedroom. It’s a bit cluttered, but it’s clean and, given what you’ve seen in the rest of the house (like strange dolls for days), it’s definitely not that shocking. Or is it…?
Yup, that’s right. More mannequins! This isn’t the man and woman of the house having a particularly posed chat; it’s just the two mannequins that the homeowner likes to have watch over them while they sleep. To each their terrifying own.
When sharing details about this second bedroom, the realtor is quick to point out that it’s got amazing walk-in closets. Things they are not so quick to share: the fact that this room holds yet another bevy of strange and unusual pieces from the homeowner’s collection.
If this is the sort of stuff that they are keeping in the second bedroom, can you even begin to imagine what’s lurking inside of the aforementioned wonderfully spacious walk-in closet? A person shudders to think…
This dining room is a kind of oasis from the madness of the other rooms in the house… if you’re cool with having a doll butler watching you eat breakfast each and every morning as you start the day.
This other more “formal” dining room also features a doll maid ready and waiting to serve you. And by “serve you,” we mean “creepily loom in the corner adjacent to the wall of Christian art in the other corner.”
You can’t escape this homeowner’s passion for dolls even in the bathroom! In theory, this one is positioned as if she’s about to clean up a dirty toilet, but let’s be real: unless these mannequins are haunted, they’d probably make terrible maids.
At least the male mannequin positioned in this bathroom is tastefully turned away from both the toilet and the bathtub. That said, wouldn’t even the most ardent mannequin lover be concerned that these would scare the bejesus out of guests in the middle of the night?
Ah, yes, finally, a room where the terror of the dolls in banished! How wonderful to have finally found not just a functional kitchen in this house, but one that looks practically, dare it be said… normal?
Tragically, it looks like we spoke far, far too soon. What good would a kitchen in this house be without a doll chef to help put together all of those tasty dishes? Silver lining: at least this guy is relatively small.
Remember how, in the other photos of the kitchen, there seemed to be just one, small doll? It turns out that the realtor was doing their darndest to keep this not-so-little mannequin out of the shot while framing their photographs for the listing. Eat up, cowboy.
After an inside tour of what can only be called “doll heaven,” the realtor decided to close out the listing with a few photographs of what’s going on in the backyard. It’s a nice pool, but… it needs more mannequins.
From a distance, this house looks like a true winner, and if you can see past the army of creepy mannequins inside of it, you might just have found your next home. However, at an asking price of $1.5 million, you’d think the homeowner would know better than to leave their odd hobbies in plain sight.
It is absolutely crazy what realtors have to do to make a house appear sellable. This one definitely made a stellar effort in spite of some pretty challenging circumstances.
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